Rules of Engagement: Italian Produce Shopping

1. Don't touch the fruit.
2. Wait in line to be served.
2a. Don't try and budge the all the old ladies in front of you, even if you know you can take them all.
2b. In case they try and start something.
3. Have 47 different fruits and vegetables on your list.
4. Need all of them in large quantities.
5. Discuss every single individual piece, slice, or leaf of produce you are considering purchasing.
5a. Consult all the people you are shopping with.
5b. Consult the woman authorized to touch the fruit.
5c. Consult all the people standing behind you in line.
6. Bargain if bruised
6a. It never hurts to try.
7. When satisfied with your collection, gaze at the fruit for another 20 minutes.
8. Return to your real life.